Lollipop

I remember it being sunny out that day,  Mom was at work, My little sister tucked asleep in her crib, down for a nap, and my big brother at school. I was between the ages of 3 or 5. I had long blond hair, brown eyes. Innocent! I never really took note as to what was going on around me, until I realized I was starting to understand fear. Always fearing for what might happen next. Always scared for my older brother and little sister.

I wanted to play outside, but I couldn’t, Daddy had went and lied down too.

I remember him calling me into his room, and so of course I went, there was no disobeying our parents, that we had learnt at an even younger age. I got into his room and he props me up beside him on the bed that seemed so huge compared to mine.

He was naked, under the blankets. I didn’t know, and even if I had of, I’m not sure I would have understood.

He began to ask me if I wanted a lollipop, I said yes please. Manners were also something we had learnt from a young age.

I quickly came to realize the lollipop he had to offer was not at all what my little mind was expecting.

He took off his blankets, and asked me to suck on this piece of skin that was just hanging from him, under is belly. I remember him saying, its ok sweetie its just like sucking on a lollipop.

That feeling, came rushing through me, the one i had started getting often, but still didn’t quite understand, the feeling of fear that went through my entire body. I may have been young, but i knew in my little heart that this wasn’t right, It couldn’t be! Right?

I sit there looking at his naked body, not understanding what all this meant. I stared into his eyes, hoping he would change his mind, wishing mommy was here.

He said, “Oliviya come on now, put it into your mouth, Just try it, you’ll see its just like a lollipop”. I crawled to the bottom of the bed, as he lied there so much taller than me, and did as I was told!.

I bent over to reach his, what I knew then, was his dangling piece of skin, and i remember freezing, my body not wanting to move, not wanting to do this. Its was terrible.

Dad said ” Grab it with your hands like this” as he grabbed my hands in his and placed them around that gross piece of skin, saying “there like this” ” you hold it like this”.

“Ok Oliviya, now put it into your mouth” as he helped me put it into my mouth, pushing down on my head. As soon as it touched my lips, I began to feel like i was gonna throw up, i told daddy.

Daddy, I don’t feel good, i’m gonna throw up!